Random Thoughts I

It's amazing how one's life can change so much in such a short period of time. It's exactly 10 months since I got into my first job and my life couldn't be more different now. Not just my life, really. I am become different. But it's a good kind of different, you know? Some nights when I'm lying on my bed waiting to fall asleep, I just think about my life in general; and sometimes I specifically think about who I used to be and what type of person I'm turning into. It now amazes me whenever I think of the shitty things I'd done in the past, things that now haunts me, things that I certainly wouldn't do anymore at this point in my life. But if given a chance to go back, I believe I wouldn't change anything nonetheless. Why? Simple because every single shitty decisions I had made has brought me here. And I like it here. I like the me now. I'm in my late 20's and I haven't majorly f*cked up my life. I'd done things I shouldn't be proud of, but who hasn't? I do get some panic attack every now and then when I think of the FUTURE (because let's get real. that thing is scary), but I'm teaching my self to calm down because I'm still young. And it's not like I'm throwing my life away. I have a job. So, not bad at all.

I can't say that there are no more bad days, but there's been huge improvement. Perhaps I've learned to love myself a lot more. Perhaps I'm looking at the world from a different perspetive. Perhaps it's a lot of little things that, when put together, are giving me the ability to truly appreciate life. Whatever it is, I'm gonna hold on to it tight. Because this is one of the best feelings in the world.

A penny for my thoughts

I haven’t been in the mood to post anything these past few months because I was too busy trying not to drown. But here I am now. This is not a happy blog entry though.

Last year was a rough year for me. It was basically blow after blow, and it doesn't matter how positive you try to be. The negativity always catches up. And then here comes 2015 and I still feel like I'm reliving the same thing over again. It's a vicious cycle I must say. 

It may not have seemed that way to other people because I'm good at hiding my feelings, but I can’t blame them. I’m not one to open up, not even to some of my closest friends. I went through a lot of bad days, trying to fight my inner thoughts. But earlier, I came across this quote and it perfectly describes my situation. 

"Note to self: every time you were convinced you couldn’t go on, you did." ―Destiny S.

To be fair, I had more good days than bad ones this year. But, of course, when you’re in the middle of a bad one, you completely forget all the things that make you happy and you should be thankful for. At least, that’s what happens to me. But I did go on. I did move forward. And I’m glad I did. Plus, It's a good thing that I have a job now, cos it somehow distracts me from all the chaos.

This is just a glimpse of my life and my thoughts. I don’t think I’ll ever fully explain what I’ve gone through to anyone because I don’t even know where I would begin. And because I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I don’t like exposing my deepest emotions. And maybe that’s the reason why I’d rather pretend that I can’t feel. Sometimes I’m not even sure I’m pretending. Sometimes it feels like I’ve mastered the art of indifference whenever I’m around other people.

But the truth is this: I do have feelings. I’m vulnerable. I’m a wreck. I have hurricane of emotions.

I don’t know what’s going to happen to me in the next few years. I just hope I’ll have the strength to go on again and again.

Prom: Part 2

I was supposed to blog this last week, but I've been bus lately. But hey, better late than never, right?

Our day started pretty early because we had to be at the reception (CSI Stadia) at around 3 in the afternoon for my sister's Prom pictorial. I had her salon appointment set at 11 in the morning.

 Spot the not.

I love how fashiown  the make-up artist. Leather skirt! 

I was already getting bored so, I thought, "why not take a selfie?"

My butt was already numb from sitting for almost 2 hours, so I decided to go outside and walk around Green Star Promenade. I was also hungry around that time because I only had a sliced of bread for breakfast, hence I bought a cup of froyo.

And after 3 hours of waiting... voila!

Fast-forward to the reception. 

My sister was having her pictures taken. So, it was just me and my iced coffee.

After her pictorial, I've already lost track of what my sister was doing. She was moving around all the time, goes to the girls room every-freaking 10 minutes, she was everywhere--she was literally roaming every inch of the venue. And she was wearing a 4-inch heels! It was crazy. But I think my sister was just trying to avoid me because I was kept on taking pictures of her and her friends. Well, I can't blame her. 

The Juniors wore red gowns with black accents, while the Seniors had to wear beige. Though, I saw a few Seniors who wore white and yellow gowns.

The 'gang'. My sister and her friends are quite crazy, but in a good way. They're loud, but not obnoxious. They're fun, but not to the extent where they get into trouble. They're pretty much the kinds of friends that I wanted for my sister.

This was the last picture I took when we were outside the reception area while I waiting for the program to start. This was the time where my sister gave me the look, the stop-taking-pictures-of-me-it's-annoying-and-please-stop-embarrassing-me look. Then she literally dragged me to my seat. She told me the program was about to start, and of course, she lied. And there I was, alone. Yet again. 

Parents were starting to arrive, so before the place get crowded, I took pictures of the whole reception area. Well, not really literally the whole entire area.

The calm before the storm.

The storm.

Table no. 1

Minutes after I took a video of my sister dancing her heart out, my bloody camera died.

Whoever own these pictures, please don't sue me for grabbing them. 

Most of the Seniors wore Grecian-inspired dress.

This is sort of a cougar thing for me to say, but I spotted plenty of good-looking boys out there. Nyorks.

The program was supposed to end at 12 midnight, but I begged my sister to come home early because I was already sleepy, and it was too late. In short, lola needs her sleep. And by lola I mean ME.

I wish my camera didn't died on me that night, I could have had taken a lot more pictures, especially when my sister and her friends were dancing on the dance floor. It was so much fun watching them having a good time.

Also, I wish my parents were also there to witness everything. Unfortunately, my mother didn't live to see this moment, but I know for sure she was watching my sister from up above--smiling. And as for our father, he's working in abroad. I know how much my father wanted to be on my sister's special day. But, there'll be next time. Hopefully, he could make it next year. Or, on her graduation day. That would be much nicer!  :)

Okay, 'till next time. Bye!